5 Ways To Love Unconditionally!

1. Learn to love yourself: It is incredibly important to learn to love yourself wholeheartedly. If you don’t accept every imperfection and all of your inadequacies and genuinely embrace them, you will struggle to feel confident within yourself. What that will ultimately translate to is a lack of self-love. It is almost impossible to express pure affection for another person if you have the inability to love yourself first. Make you a priority emotionally, physically, spiritually, and mentally because that is how you will gain independent happiness. You will be able to communicate better, verbalize your feelings more clearly, and know exactly what you want because you will be entirely in touch with the real you without any filters. This will allow you to be self-assured which in turn prevents you from looking to others for approval. It is imperative that you feel complete holistically (mind, body, and spirit). The bottom line is you simply just can’t give another person 100% if you are functioning at 50% and in actuality is really isn’t fair to the other person.

So what can you do to help with loving you more? Be real with yourself and ask the question “who am I?” What do I like about myself, what do I struggle to accept about myself, and what flaws am I carrying negatively that prevent me from receiving who I really am? By understanding yourself at a deeper level it will give you the opportunity to work on the things that you don’t particularly like, adjusting them, and getting to a place where you feel comfortable with the real you. Remember we are all a work in progress, the Word of God tells us in Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” Breaking down this particular scripture we see that the Lord is stating that we will continue to be shaped and molded to be more like Him implying that it is a continuous process. What you want to focus on is appreciating your value and knowing indefinitely that you offer extraordinary qualities to anyone that crosses your path. You have to know that you deserve to have true acceptance, absolute love, and a high level of self-worth. Welcome your flaws, they create individuality and authenticity which has a part in what makes you unique. Creating meaningful relationships requires you to be your own individual. You want to be happy with the person that you are without seeking validation from others. You can get to a point where you feel whole but it will take you keeping it completely 100% with how you feel about yourself. Once you do that, you can begin to take the necessary steps to change your frame of mind and truly have the ability to give someone else you, unfiltered.

2. Accept another person’s flaws: Accepting someone else’s flaws goes hand in hand with how you acknowledge your own. All of us have things about ourselves that we would love to change but we were created to be individual and distinct and that is what makes us all beautiful. Your partner, family members, and friends are going to have mannerisms and qualities about themselves that will get on your nerves to say the least. The fact of the matter is everyone has their own story to tell, shoes that they’ve had to walk in, and burdens that they’ve had to bear that you know nothing about. These factors can be some of the reasons why they behave the way they do, come across in the manner that they do, or respond how they do. It is not your responsibility to pass judgment but to be fully accepting of the people that are important to you. Just like you would want others to receive the person that you are with no reservations, the individual on the other end deserves the same level of respect.

So why is accepting another person’s flaws so significant? In order to love someone unconditionally you have to be willing to look past their imperfections and treasure them for exactly who they are. By embracing their individualities it allows the other person to feel comfortable enough to be themselves without feeling restricted. This is how you create genuine relationships that you can be certain are not superficial based merely off of a made up façade. Make an intentional effort to get to know their story; what’s contributed to the reasons why they do the things that they do? By understanding the pivotal moments that have shaped their lives, you can fully comprehend why they function so differently. We are loving creatures by nature and the best way to love one another is to recognize each other’s differences including all of their flaws, imperfections, and distinct characteristics that make them who they are. Embrace them, accept them, and you can learn to unconditionally love them. Life is way too short to miss the opportunity of creating substantial relationships.

3. Watch how you speak when you’re angry: Words are extremely powerful and can cut like a knife when you choose to use them when you are angry. Once something is said it can never be taken back so if you are in a moment of rage and don’t give yourself a second to calm down you can cause irreparable damage. The people in your life that mean something to you have to be guarded and handled with care. The sad part about it is that we tend to vocalize negativity and harm the people closest to us the most. When you speak words that are condescending, belittling, disrespectful, or destructive they can cause mental and emotional scars for the person on the receiving end. It is one thing to tolerate criticism from a stranger or someone that is not close to you but it is an entirely different story to withstand it from someone you love. There is no way that you can express unconditional adoration for another person if your tongue is as sharp as a razor blade. It will eventually take a toll on their self-esteem which will create unnecessary tension in your relationship resulting in complete emotional disconnection.

Some of the things that can help prevent you from speaking harshly when angry are:

·         Meditate on scripture-Scripture is one of the best calming mechanisms because it stays engrained in your heart. Passages like Proverbs 15:1 “A soft answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger.” It will resonate in your spirit and help you navigate those angry emotions.

·         Give yourself a moment-Don’t just blurt out the first thing that comes to your mind in a fit of rage, take a moment to think before you speak. Count to ten if you have to and then continue the conversation.

·         Give a signal-Let the person know when you’re about to get to your boiling point by giving them a heads up (a signal). You can say something like “I’m at the point where I might say something I’ll regret, please give me some space.”

The primary take away from wanting to diffuse a hostile situation is that you don’t want to say something that you will regret. Ask yourself “Is what I am angry about going to affect me two months down the road?” If the answer is no then don’t spend energy arguing about something that isn’t beneficial for anyone involved. Try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes, would you enjoy someone speaking to you in such a negative way that it changes how you perceive yourself? We naturally become more offended by someone that we care about versus a person that we just met. That is why it is so crucial that you protect the hearts and emotions of your loved ones. Speaking when you are emotional is never worth the damage that it can create!

4. Truly Forgive: When someone hurts you, breaks your trust, or plays with your heart it can be exceptionally difficult to forgive them. The thing that people fail to realize is that forgiving those that have harmed you is not particularly for them but for you! You are the one that is harboring those negative emotions while the person that you are upset at has completely forgotten the situation without a second thought. Once you can let go of those unfavorable feelings your healing process can actually begin. You have to understand that unforgiveness intensifies your emotions of anger, resentment, and bitterness eventually turning them into hate. It isn’t worth you having all of those destructive sentiments festering inside your heart. There are also physical repercussions that can happen when you hold in animosity like high blood pressure, a lower immune system, and increased risk of coronary artery disease. You don’t want to put yourself in a circumstance where you are harming your own body mentally, physically, and spiritually simply because you don’t want to forgive.

By truly forgiving the people in your life you are able to let go of whatever it was that offended you and learn to love them unconditionally. Hatred is such a strong emotion that it can blind you and prevent you from seeing the bigger picture which is your wellbeing. It is highly unlikely to love another person unequivocally if you can’t move forward from something that they did to you. It will stay in the back of your mind and will be brought to the forefront when you least expect it. Get rid of all of those unwanted feelings and allow yourself to gain closure so that you can leave the past exactly where it needs to remain, in the past.

So how can you begin to forgive? I can’t say this enough, meditating on scripture will allow your spirit to heal from the stored up bitterness that is taking root inside your heart. The Lord has the ability not only to rejuvenate you but give you the strength that you need to effectively forgive the ones that hurt you. Scripture tells us in Matthew 18:21-22 “Then Peter came to Him and said, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times? “Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.” Looking at these passages we see that God makes it very clear that we are to forgive others multiple times. This couldn’t be more significant considering the fact that you are affecting yourself more than anyone else. You can learn the power of forgiveness but it will take you making the decision to take that first step.

5. Don’t be afraid to express your love: Every one of us has a different opinion of what it means to express your love to another person. The people that you value in your lives need to know how much they mean to you. Life passes by before you even realize it so it’s essential that you take every occasion to let your loved ones know just how much you love them. It is one thing to say that you love someone but it is an entirely different thing for the person on the other end to really feel it. It may be difficult for some people more than others to show this kind of affection. The important thing is that you are willing to at least try so that you can begin to develop the kind of relationships that are based on genuine and unconditional love.

Here are some things that you can do:

·         Give random gestures of affection- For example: a kiss or a long embrace just out the blue that they were not expecting.

·         Make it a point to check up on them: Nothing says I love you more than a consistent phone call or text message letting the people you care about know that you are thinking about them.

·         Be a good listener: When a loved one needs that listening ear, you have to be willing to give them that without interrupting or adding an adverse opinion. They really just need to know that you are there for them in that moment.

·         Giving your time- A lot of times we go through our daily routines without taking a break and just embracing that moment with your family or friends. Giving them your undivided attention shows them how important they are to you.

·         Verbalize how you feel-You saying “I love you” is definitely an important aspect of expressing your feelings especially for children. They have to hear how significant they are to you so that they won’t want to seek that love in an unhealthy way.

Remember, showing affection verbally, physically, and emotionally is extremely necessary in any kind of meaningful relationship. It’s essential that it comes from an authentic place, it remains consistent, and that you are intentional. It will take some effort and time on your part but aren’t your family and friends worth it? There is no better way to validate how much you care for someone than showing unconditional love!